I’m sure many have seen me in gay play spaces over the years. However, one thing they probably have not seen too often is me playing with Black males. There are some reasons for that. And those reasons come in stages.

At first, since my early days of blogging, I was honest about my prejudice towards other Black males. Stemming from:

• being raised in a single-parent household with an absentee black father;
• being bullied by black males in grade school;
• at my 1st job out of high school, being verbally abused by a drug-abusing black male supervisor.

All of those make it easy to fall under the racist white indoctrination via media of “black males are bad, white males are good”. For what Fate threw at me from my conception to the workplace was every negative stereotype of a Black male shown in the racist white-controlled mediums of movies, music, news publishing, and television.

So what changed my mind? Looking in the mirror. Because I love myself. More importantly, I love my Black self. So Black males can’t be all bad. That was the 1st step in coming out of that indoctrination.

Since that indoctrination took decades, undoing its instilled prejudice did not happen overnight. So now that I have overcome it as far as I have, I am finding it difficult to find Black males up to my standards. Why is that? That’s when I noticed the behaviors of other Black males that completely contradict my own. Primarily in diverse gay spaces.

• Aggression – Like I said, I crave being in diverse sexual spaces. However, many black males in those diverse spaces tend to act like what I call the “gorilla ni**er” porn archetype. Being uber-aggressive as if I am the typical dim-witted white, light-skinned Latin, or Asian male in porn using BBC (big black cock) to punish him for his overhyped proximity to whiteness. The problem is that these black males are not turning that switch off when they step to me. Although, if I witnessed a black male do that aggression for them, yet try stepping to me proper, they are still walking trash to me. Because if they were a real man, they would have never played the part in the first place.
• Attire – I have long said that gay males (understandably so) have emotional baggage. So why would I play with you at a sex party/darkroom when you come in with literal baggage. That includes your outerwear. I turn down any male of any color for this. But sadly, I see it of black males even more. To the point of some wearing puffy winter coats, hoods, hoodies with the hood up, and sometimes combined with a medical mask as if we are still in the reopening stages after the 2020 lockdown from COVID. And have the fuck-faced audacity to catch an attitude when I turn them down. As if my also being Black means I owe them some dick or ass. Since that attire is an open display of baggage, I owe them nothing. And neither does anyone else.
• Competition – If you follow me on Twitter/X, you might recall this post:

Why do Black boys (not men) seem to find themselves competing with Black MEN for white 🍆/🍑? And think they've done something when they get that white male for a spell.

It's a sad sign of that competing black person's lacking sense of self-worth by "needing" WHITE validation.

— LeNair Xavier (@LeNair_X) April 7, 2025

• As usual with me, such a post came from one too many instances of seeing a bad behavior. This one was at a content creator party. Long story short – a black male content creator there imposed himself in the middle of 2 White guys playing with another Black male. All 3 of them arriving together. At more than one point during the night, he tried monopolizing one of those 2 White male’s time. In such instances, I left them alone. Never intruding. And it seems the Black male who arrived with them, also never intruded. However, this black male content creator did not return that same respect… Like when he intruded upon my moment of going down on one of those White males.

• So this was the 2nd time in one night he imposed himself upon a Black male playing with one of those White males. Of course the White males are oblivious to this because (like most males) they are looking to get their ego stroked. And as White males, they are even more oblivious to the sad reality of how often in diverse spaces, at least one black male is always looking for an uncalled for competition with another Black male for a white male’s time.

Some may feel that these issues could all be avoided if I just frequent more all-Black spaces. That is something I refuse to do. Especially when a number of those all-black spaces allow the aforementioned bad attire and openly encourage patronage from guys on the DL. But there is a reason more at the forefront.

For I am a native New Yorker. One who takes full advantage of New York City’s diversity. I refuse to do like the typical gay white male. Acting so unjustly arrogant about the beauty of my color that I attend play parties only with guys that have a proximity to my skin tone, and the absence of any more differing hues should be normalized. Nor do I believe in accepting that ignorance by exiling my Black beauty to an all-Black space in my diverse hometown. I use my interactions, even sexual, to be educational and stimulating moments to cherish. And using them with that mindset doesn’t only make me a better man. But for it, I am the better man.

All of this is not to say that white males are 110% prepared for these spaces. For what I call the “overhype of white” and the permissiveness of white mediocrity in general allows white males to with most males of any color, be overly aggressive, wear the wrong attire, and try inciting racism-driven competition, and get away with it. In fact, some white male’s baggage is way worse.

So how do white males get laid in spite of it? Feeling white privilege gives them easy pickings, many coast through trying to acquire a playmate. So their socially inept aggression and competitiveness does not show so early on. Meanwhile, black males who are equally eager to acquire a playmate do the complete opposite. They show their baggage early on due to the realities of racism & colorism lessening their choices.

Well, as a medium to dark-complexioned Black man who is over half a century old, I don’t accept that excuse for such behavior. I strip down in such places purposely to show that I am just as much of a sexual draw as any white male half my age. Maybe even more so due to my refraining from the substance abuse a blind eye is turned to in such spaces.

So what I want is for black males to enter a play space doing the same. Show themselves to not just be black males, but Black men. Leaving the baggage from their upbringing and gay culture’s racially degrading rules behind. Then I (and those self-assured as myself) will have more Black men to play with.