Believe it or not, in any form of social interaction, there is an etiquette to follow. Many of which are based in common sense and common courtesy. The only ones who will deny this, or outright ignore it are those who are self-entitled.

Well, how one plays at a sex party is no different. I have long said that in a sexual space, be it a sex party, bar darkroom, a sex shop, or even one’s bedroom, to leave the rules based in one’s religious and ethnic culture out of the space. Come in with common sense and common courtesy and everyone can have the best time possible. For many rules of one’s ethnic and religious cultures are based in hypocrisy, ageism, colorism, racism, misogyny, and sexism, among other things.

Proper BlowJob Etiquette should also be based in that common sense & common courtesy. Therefore, unless otherwise discussed beforehand, oral sex should be used as either foreplay or a consolation prize solely between the giver and receiver of the blowjob.

However, I have experienced and been eyewitness to a number of white and Latin males using the oral prowess of a Black, Asian, Middle Eastern, older, or heavyset person to take the erection made by their skills to not have sex with that person displaying the oral prowess. But instead with another white or Latin person.

Such as how some years ago, at what used to be called NY Jock Party, but is now called Athletic Support Group, I saw an Asian male giving head to a white male. During this encounter, a Latin male came over and started making out with the white male. Acting so entitled to that white male that he did not even acknowledge the Asian male on his knees sucking on the white male. Then without a single word to that Asian male on his knees, the white male left the Asian on the floor to go play with the Latin male. I saw such displays of arrogance, entitlement, and privilege based on ethnicity and colorism happen so many times at that party within a single night that I stopped going. And I haven’t been back since. Because any person I’ve spoken to that is neither white or Latino that has attended that party, without me telling that story beforehand, will tell me that a pulchritude of racist behavior is still prevalent among the mostly white & Latin patrons.

To again show how often this happens, I once went down on a white male. My oral skills got him rock hard. And he took that hard-on and fucked another white boy with it. This was not discussed beforehand as how a blowjob by me is to be treated. So when I called him on it after, he had the fuck-faced audacity to say, “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

Based on what I stated as proper blowjob etiquette, I was not being “so sensitive”. I was calling him out on his gay white male arrogance and attitude of entitlement. For that, I have no shame. Just as I feel no shame towards the following incident.

This young white male and I kept exchanging blowjobs. But during one exchange in which I was the giver and he was the receiver, I kept feeling someone nudge on me as to get me out of the way. I ignored them. That is until the white male moved me, because consent between the active parties is a must to any play. The issue started immediately after this. For guy who was nudging me was Latino. And the white male decided to use the hard-on my oral skills gave him to fuck that Latin male. Let’s just say there was no denying to that white male that I was justifiably pissed.

Eventually, I decided to leave. Since I was wearing only my underwear, I had to get my clothes out of coat-check. And leaned against a wall that was diagonal from coat-check to get dressed. Soon after, the white male went to get his clothes. He started getting dressed by the bench that was less than 6 ft. away and perpendicular to me. In the midst of his getting dressed, I guess he noticed me against the wall. I was not looking directly at him. My peripheral vision is how I caught his actions. So there was no eye contact. But once he saw me, he decided to start getting undressed again. Then paused looking over at me. As if expecting me to come over. I never reciprocated.

So as he stood there waiting for me, I proceeded to get dressed. Once done, I made sure I had everything. Still never looking at him. Then I left him standing there naked. And with action speaking louder than words, I let my actions say, “Bitch, you had the fuck-faced audacity to take the hard-on made by my oral skills and put it in someone else. I earned that hard-on. Not that intrusive Latin piece of shit. And you think I now want a piece of you after you unjustly made me 3rd runner-up or lower??? You bypassed a man, and settled for a fa**ot. For that racism-based arrogance and hubrice, FUCK YOU!!!”

It take the ugliest of souls to exhibit such behavior as these guys have. The reason we don’t see the ugliness early on is because youth masks that ugliness from showing on the outside. But youth is temporary. Therefore, so is that mask. So from those late 20s on, the ugliness of those antics scarring their souls will start scarring them on the outside in due time.

The facts. These instances are not the only ones I have experienced. I am also able to say that I’ve been eyewitness to such instances being done to others. And the time span over these incidents show they are indicators of a rabid social dysfunction within gay sex culture. Especially since the perpetrators are all males that fit the racism and colorism-based ideal imposed on us by the racists and sellouts running the mediums of gay entertainment.

The LGBTQ+ community is presently in a state where regardless of age, color, ethnicity, gender, and weight, we need each other. Maybe like we did back during the birth of the Gay Rights Movement. So we should not be letting racism and colorism cause a divide within our own community. Causing behaviors based in attitudes of white/light privilege and entitlement to make those who are the opposite distance themselves, even in times of need.

And don’t dismiss it because they are trysts at play parties or darkrooms. To do so is to show you do not understand the power of sex. Be that form of intercourse, oral, anal, or vaginal. For just as the pleasure is powerful, so is the rage that results from a dismissal based in the worst of shallowness. Leading to the present separatism within the community, which is a result of the avoidance of accountability for all behaviors in the vein of the aforementioned .

Well, old as the adage is, it still holds true… The 1st step to correcting a problem is to admit there is a problem. This article is that acknowledgement.