I see sex as a dance. I believe we all do. The motion. The intimacy of the act. The intent of connecting physically and spiritually. Even if some say that a spiritual connection is not what they are looking for, subconsciously it is what we all are searching for when we have sex. Even if it is just for a one-night stand, or a more fleeting moment like a darkroom tryst.

All of those connecting elements of sex, which are also synonymous with dance is why so many are voyeurs. And some to the point of liking porn. The coldness of the world and empathy to want that coldness undone makes us want to see and applaud others who are experiencing not just a spiritual connection, but the most intense and intimate of physical connections. It lets us know that those connections still exist.

With that, know that voyeurism is nothing to feel ashamed of unless it is done without consent. For it is 100% a matter of choice whether an adult wants to put their dance of sex on display. And it is equally a matter of choice for an adult to watch (or not watch) another’s dance.

The problem we have come to see is that some religious and ethnic cultures teach the dance of sex to be a sacred act not to be shared. Well, I feel simply putting your dance on display does not lessen its sanctity. What can lessen its sanctity is one’s primary motives. If exhibitionism is the primary motive, then the sanctity is not lessened. However, if the combination of getting money and pleasing a voyeur are the primary motive, instead of them being a side effect, then you are likely ruining the beauty of sex. For appeasing your sex partner should always come first and tied with your own pleasure.

With that said, enjoying porn is not a problem. When done properly, what is often called “hardcore porn” for showing penetration is a way to display the dance that is sex. One no one should be ashamed of doing or watching. Unfortunately, the porn industry as a whole has made being either a participant or a voyeur to that dance lose its beauty.

Porn does not automatically desecrate the beauty of sex just by being porn. The beautiful dance that is sex becomes desecrated when people partake of roleplay scenarios that validate depravity. Such as those scenes with themes like incest, step families, or boy scouts. Especially when the performers consist of one or more obviously older males with one or more younger people with child-like faces and physiques. While an adult entertainment studio or content creator might have records to prove all parties being of legal age, the optics created by such scenes can easily be seen as a validator of depravity. Thereby inciting someone contemplating (or committing) such acts to feel validated to do them in reality. Knowing full well that they are committing a crime. With that said, whether people admit it or not, it is contributing to how much more often we are hearing of people who were key players in forming trusted organizational relationships are now being accused of grooming the naive for sexual abuse.

Such stories were never what I wanted to be rightfully blamed for by being in porn. Which is partly why I left studio-based porn. And while it is not politically correct to tell reasons for leaving studio-based porn like I have, I’m sure for some (if not many) former studio-based porn performers share in my sentiment.

It is impossible to spread real sex positivity and not be judgmental of actions like the aforementioned in porn. So while it has become the “in” thing to paint being “judgmental” as a bad thing, this is a case when it is necessary if you are to do something the way it should be done. For you cannot truly advocate for sex positivity if your (shall we say) “badge” to justify your advocacy has you openly participating in acts that validate depravity and incite sex crimes. Again, this is partly why I left studio-based porn. For to stay in it and try spreading a message of sex positivity would be me making myself into a hypocrite.

All of these realizations came to me over time. Starting with how I aways wondered what drew a guy as shy as myself to so easily have sex in front of others. Then I realized that it was the performer in me. For in case you didn’t know, I was a mainstream performer before I became an erotic performer. Dancing was one of my talents. But mainstream or erotic, my performance was to tell a truth about myself. A truth I am proud to have matured to, and want to inspire others to get to. And that is why I see sex as a dance. For seeing others do it and seeing their bodies’ physical reaction, the sweat, the muscle reactions, the facial expressions, the rhythm sending a message to their partner and the audience – they were all like watching dancers.

Seeing such beauty in sex is why I take the wrong messaging by one’s public display so seriously. It is a beauty that is dying mostly because of capitialism. But more recently, it is a beauty dying additionally out of, not a desire, but a desperation to be seen as a sexual being due to societal sexual repression. So much so that many will do the most unhealthy of public roleplay to get eyes on themselves.

But I feel if we remind ourselves to see sex as a dance, perhaps it will give us pause to partake of acts that overshadow the beauty of sex. As both participants and voyeurs. For that reminder is what made me pause. Enough to do a reset, and show the sex positivity I show by my work today.