When you frequent a bar or club, you may become friendly with the staff. I know firsthand because I have such a relationship with much of the staff at the gay cruising bar I frequent. Because of this, the man working the door can kind of predict that if I come to the bar on a Thursday, then it is very likely for me to come back the next night, Friday and/or Saturday.

So on a Thursday night, as I was leaving the bar, I said goodnight to the doorman. He said goodnight back and added, “See you tomorrow?”

I replied, “I might.” Because at the time, I was not sure.

As I was responding with those 2 little words, I heard a scoff behind me. While I was curious as to why someone scoffed at my exchange with the doorman, as well as slightly annoyed since it was an A and B conversation, I was not phased by it to the point of wanting to interrogate whomever it was that scoffed. My curiosity did move me to look behind me and find out who exactly it was though.

As I looked back, the one who scoffed continued his critique, “I can see coming here one night. But two nights???”

Now, I was more annoyed. Enough to want to give him a chop to the throat like May May gave Judi in an episode of “The Righteous Gemstones”.

I have come to live by the old adage of “Sticks & stones can break my bones…” Which makes all of what this guy said impenetrable to my spirit, but still taunting to my dark side to want to do something to put him in his place where he needed to shut the fuck up. For what annoyed me so much about his reaction was not just how it was not his conversation to have an outside voice on. It was also because of his behavior that I saw throughout the night.

This guy was repeatedly imposing himself into other people’s play instead of finding his own. He was the classic sign of what gay males have been doing wrong since such spaces reopened after the 2020 COVID Lockdown. He may be physically out of the house, but mentally, he is still stuck at home watching porn wishing he could be in the middle of it. However, in his social ineptitude, he refuses to acknowledge that he is in the real world. Thereby imposes himself in the middle of interactions he was not invited to.

Plus, he was a dark-skinned black male in a mostly white, very dimly lit space. So there you are dealing with the gay community’s racism & colorism enabled (most likely unintentionally) by poor lighting. For unless you have the unusual gift of being somewhat able to see in the dark, to the typical person’s eyes, anyone my complexion or darker starts to look like The Void from Marvel’s “Thunderbolts*”.

So with all of that working against you, one of the dumbest things one can do is put themselves in the midst of someone else’s play. Especially the play of a white/light-skinned person. For all he did was stroke the egos of anyone he interrupted. Egos that are already overstroked by what I call the #OverhypeOfWhite in the gay male community. So to them, he came off as desperate then dismissible.

You might be wondering how I have all of this information and analysis. Well, I was not fixated on him to know this. I take note of everyone’s behavior in a space to see if I want to entertain spending any time with them or not. And seeing actions like that, he was a definite NOT.

With all that said, this guy’s scoffing irked me because it was very telling. For his intrusiveness gave him a reason to be ashamed at the thought of coming to that bar for 2 nights straight. As his actions were shameful for him coming just one night. Meanwhile, as I always say of myself, I can be a slut, but I’m a picky slut. Therefore, I can suck & fuck 10 or more dicks & asses in a night. At least I was not intrusive upon anyone else’s situation to get them. They chose me and I chose them. Making any play I did in the space nothing to be ashamed of. However, adding that deep dark to the mix, I was way less inclined to touch anyone. Because unless I saw them in the more lighted areas first, me and whoever I played with would have been playing because we wanted A body. Instead of us wanting specifically EACH OTHER’S body, as I demand.

It is quite obvious that this guy was in no position to judge mine, or anybody else’s venturing to a gay cruising bar. For he doesn’t have the social skills to know proper etiquette in such a space. Thereby making himself, yet another person in a sexually permissive space with no idea of what is the right or worong thing to do.

This poses as a negative reminder of what I want for not just the gay male community, but every sexual being. For them to go to sexual spaces with lessened shame and not projecting the shame over what they are doing wrong onto others. As this person was trying to do to me.