Over the weekend, I went to a gay cruising bar and heard a black male echo much of what I have said about the perceived roles Black males are supposed to take in interracial sex relations. He said that guys (mainly white males) never think he can bottom because he’s black. And that if a Black man doesn’t have a 12″ dick, he’s invisible.

I knew he was black because my eyes glanced over the area. However, hearing him practically echo my own words made me take a more detailed look at him. After that detailed look, I wanted him to shut the fuck up.

Why?

Because I saw what he was wearing. He was not on his way out the door yet, but he was wearing a hoodie and a fall/winter vest and maybe even a white t-shirt underneath the hoodie. I had seen him many times earlier in the night, and he had on all of that then. And as I said in a past Thotyssey article:

gay males are known for having emotional baggage. So why would I play with you when you come into the space with literal baggage? Which is a red flag of your emotional baggage. And that includes your coat.

With that said, if you are going to share in my observation of the racist sexual expectations in the gay male community, and share them out loud, then you need to present yourself in attire that justifies you being annoyed.

For his attire is not only problematic for as Black man. It is problematic for any male in a sexually permissive space as it incites a limiting expectation. Because from my observations, males that come into the play area of sexually permissive spaces wearing outerwear are over 90% of the time tops. So he is in no position to complain about being perceived as a top. Therefore, in his case, it may very well have nothing to do with him being black. He could have been an invisible man wearing that outfit and anyone willing to partake of such a kink would have figured that they were to bent over to take in his inivisible penis.

And not only does wearing outerwear in a play area scream “top”. It also screams 2 other negatives for the space:

• 1) On the down low (DL). For guys on the down low usually do not have the comfort level or mental capacity to dress appropriately for partaking of what goes on in such a space, and;
• 2) Thiefing suspect. Because wearing outerwear in play spaces gives you a means to easily hide anything you steal. It is one reason why I wish it was possible to make it a requirement to make guys check their outerwear and any bag larger than a fanny pack.

Now, let it be known that while I often strip down to my underwear in such spaces, I do not expect everyone to do the same. What I expect is for everyone in the space to at the most wear indoor clothing. For while it does not necesaarily mean the person does not have emotional or mental baggage, the wearing of indoor clothing in the space lessens the obviousness of such baggage. Baggage that is more easily discovered by sometimes the simplest and most brief of conversations.

Such as a Twitter/X post I wrote about asking your playmate their name to show you treating them like a human being. I have asked some guys their name and they just simply looked in my face and say nothing. Even though the guys were wearing indoor clothing, or maybe stripped down to his skivvies, that no-response was a clear sign of baggage. That whatever goodies I gave him, he had better savor them because I won’t give them to him again. Or if his refusal to give a name happened before any action, whatever I was offering, I am immediately rescinding.

My point is that your attire might not tell everything. However, it does tell a good bit as to whether or not you have a leg to stand on in your complaint as to how you are perceived. And while this guy’s attire gave him no leg to stand on whatsoever, it needed to be addressed. For there are so many out lthere like him that will resort to using one trait or another as a cause for how they are perceived when it may actually be something more universal.